Why do I do NANOWIRMO?

 Hello!

Another November has arrived. This means, another year of NANOWRIMO has begun. This is the 20^th year, I believe.

For those who don’t know, NANOWRIMO (or more officially NaNoWriMo for those who want to take the time to type the acronym out correctly) stands for National Novel Writing Month. This is a month where writers are encouraged to write a novel (or a novella) of 50k or more words in 30 days.  The goal of NANOWRIMO is to encourage aspiring writers to produce a complete work, get in the habit of writing every day, and to give them a community of other like-minded individuals for encouragement and support.

I know there has been some controversy around this event. I’ve heard career writers say they do not participate because they are writing all the time anyway, so why would November be any different? I’ve also heard from new, self-published, or yet-aspiring authors that it has helped them produce content and/or get into a writing habit.  NANOWRIMO as a non-profit organization has set up various resources to help writers of all ages (including creating a teen/young writers track) and provides information and tools to help guide you through the whole novel creation process. And yet, they also partner with a lot of products, sell merchandise, and probably profit a bit from some of that.

While I have participated in 8 NANOWRIMOs, I haven’t really paid attention to the other events they hold. This post, specifically, will be about the rules for winning and why I do it. Let’s start with the rules.

1.       Writing starts at 12:00: a.m. on November 1 and ends 11:59:59 p.m. on November 30, local time.

2.       No one is allowed to start early and the challenge finishes exactly 30 days from that start point.

3.       Novels must reach a minimum of 50,000 words before the end of November in order to win. These words can either be a complete novel of 50,000 words or the first 50,000 words of a novel to be completed later.

4.       Planning and extensive notes are permitted, but no material written before the November 1 start date can go into the body of the novel.

5.       Participants' novels can be on any theme, genre of fiction, and language. Everything from fanfiction, which uses trademarked characters, to novels in poem format, and metafiction is allowed; according to the website's FAQ, "If you believe you're writing a novel, we believe you're writing a novel too."

This seems like a lot of work. Why on earth would anyone want to do it?!

Well…

Someone told me this year that a former participant of NANOWRIMO said that “it doesn’t matter what you write, as long as you win.” While I will be the first to say that the goal should not be to write just a bunch of garbage, hitting that 50k word finish line is exhilarating. During the first year of NANOWRIMO, the organizer actually asked to verify that participants actually met their word goal (7 of the 21 entrants actually finished by the way). Nowadays, the “winning” is more honor-based (yes, there’s a tracker, but you can lie to it).  However, the word count “win” is really just the visual representation of what you, the writer, is trying to accomplish.

Of the rules above, I have broken a number of them; whether it’s not starting a NEW project on day 1, or counting other writing projects done in November as part of my “word count”, or using the month for final editing etc. But for me, of the NANOs that I have participated in, I have won 7 of 8. Did I write my 50k words each time? More or less…but the main point was that I did what I told myself I’d do:

-          Finish the novel, even if that’s after November end

-          Edit the novel even though the “new words” I wrote fell under 50k…).

-          Write 50k+ words and get some of those unpleasant asshole scenes on paper (which is harder than it sounds)

The most important thing about NANOWRIMO for me is that I was able to use the combined energy of the event and the participants to motivate myself to *do the work*.  

Let’s break it down a little…

To successfully complete NANOWRIMO, unless you are a writing machine, you really need to write a little every day. Because the standard 1667 words/day is a lot easier than 10000 words each weekend day plus and extra 10k on the final day of the month. This “writing every day” thing, as I have heard from many professional authors, is the only way to really be successful as a writer. NANWRIMO is pushing that. For me, in doing NANOWRIMO, I’ve been successful at writing *mostly* every day. However, while I have proven to myself that I *can* do it, NANOWRIMO has also showed me that I don’t want to do it all the time.

You see, writing every day is tough already. It becomes infinitely tougher when you have a day job where you are on a computer every day. Or when, in your off time, you’d rather do anything other than sit on a computer more. Or when you crave social interaction after a day of burying yourself in headphones and music, emails and Word files.  Or when, you realize you’re in your mid-30s now and need to go to the gym occasionally or your clothes stop fitting. Or when you have a family or a partner or a pet that also needs attention.  Or when…

TLDR version: It’s hard.

It’s just as hard as getting to the gym every day. Yes you can do it, but you may be doing it at the expense of something else. Sometimes that expense is other hobbies like video games or sewing or fencing, but other times that expense is your partner, health, or sleep. This is a common struggle for a lot of us who have not yet made a career of writing, but who desperately want to. And until my partner can support me while I “work for money” 10-20 hours/week, this is going to be my reality. 

But back to NANOWRIMO. It definitely has helped me with some of these issues. It gives me social interaction, even if it is just writing near other people and saying, “Hey, how’s it going?”. It gives me a reason to get out of my house. It puts the fire and that little edge of competition under me which helps guilt me into keeping it up. It gives me solidarity with other writers, sharing frustrations and triumphs. It gives me inspiration, excitement and pride at being a writer.

It gives me an excuse. For one month, I CAN do it. I can make arrangements to write a crap-ton and (hopefully) finish a project. (Then I can use the next 11 months to refine and promote that project and work on other projects sporadically at my own pace…).

I know some people may turn their nose up at this approach and say that I am not a serious writer, but I will disagree. If I weren’t a serious writer, would I still be writing after 25 years? For a while, I allowed those naysayers to get the best of me. You will see that in my NANOWRIMO participation years: 2002, 2008, 2009, 2012, 2014, 2015, 2018, & 2019. Those big gaps were when I stopped believing in myself (most notably 2002-2008. I was in college and while I knew of NANOWRIMO groups getting together on campus, I tried to pretend that I didn’t care).  I stopped believing in myself because I did not have the resources and connections to convince me to keep it up. If I was not doing it “the serious way”, what business did I have even trying?

The last 3 NANOWRIMOS I’ve participated in have changed all that. I decided to seek out “write-ins” (where writers get together at a coffee shop or library and write together for a few hours). I joined writer communities, giving the NANO forums, Scribophile, CIPA (Colorado Independent Publishers Association), Rocky Mountain Fiction Writers, Toastmasters and other online groups a try. I had mixed success sticking with these communities but what it did show me, was that there were a lot of people out there writing. Some were snobby, and some were encouraging. Some were driven toward publication and some were just doing it “for fun”. Some were like me. 

I didn’t find my current writer “group” specifically from NANO, but NANO has helped bring out all those writers that I already know (many of whom I didn’t know wrote!). The relationships I’ve built have carried on after NANOWRIMO was over. NANOWRIMO gave me access to a community that was already in my world and to a world that I had no idea how to break into otherwise. These groups, these individuals, encourage and push me to do better. They help me up when I am falling. Because of them I am still moving forward. Still making progress.  Because of them, I have been pushed to attend more conventions, writers’ groups, and writing workshops.  

So for me, whether I make the word count or not, it doesn’t matter. My participation in this event is one of the big ways I will work (sometimes slowly) toward my ultimate, grander, goal: to get published.

And to all of you writers, my advice for you is to definitely participate in NANOWRIMO. Even if you don’t think you’ll make the 50k. What is important, is for you to think about what you really want to do, set an achievable goal, and then run with it. Even if that goal is just to reconnect you with this love you’ve had for as long as you’ve owned pencils.

Here is my 2018 NANOWRIMO "winner" certificate. If I can do it, you can too!

♥

Lyndsie

On Beta Readers Who Are Your Friends – My Honest Thoughts

First of let me put in a disclaimer: as a writer and an aspiring author who dreams of getting published, I want you to read my book. And I want her to read my book. And him. And those five people over there.I want my friends, family, coworkers, and strangers to read my book.  I want you to read my book if you love sci-fi. I want you to read my book if you hate sci-fi. I want positive feedback. Negative feedback. Questions. Concerns. I write, not just for myself, but for you all…my audience.

That being said, one of the most disheartening things you can do to an unpublished writer is promise you’ll read their WIP and then never do it. It is crushing.

There. I said it.  

Recently, (and for most of my adult life) I have been struggling to get beta readers to actually read my finalized, author-edited manuscript and provide feedback. In April 2019, I put out a post on Facebook saying “Hey, I am looking for 3-5 beta readers who want to read my YA, near-future dystopian manuscript.” I made a point to note that I had a few specific questions and I only wanted interested people who would be able to deliver feedback by August.   I was blown away by the number of responses I got - all told, it was around 20 email addresses. So I thought, “Hell, why not?” And I sent them all the manuscript along with some questions that I wanted them to look for as they read.

To date (November 1, 2019) I have gotten ONE response, which includes all the “Thank you, I’m looking forward to reading it” emails (which, in all honesty, was 0). That one response was feedback and a request to meet and discuss it (yay!). However, think about this for a second. One response out of over 20. Frankly, that super sucks. (Later on, I did get one apology of life being crazy and the person not being able to get to it.  That’s fine. I understand stuff gets insane in life and some people will have life intervene. And yes, I also understand that I was not offering to pay people. Still though, I would expect more people to communicate…).

Here is why this 1 of 20 response thing sucks:

1.       Between April and August, I was sitting on my hands…waiting. I had stopped submitting Anamnesis to publishers. I had stopped looking for beta readers or editors.  I stopped trying to figure out how I’d pay a beta-reader. I essentially wasted a quarter year of potential progress waiting for people to come through on their word.

2.       Now, I had just given my novel out for free to a bunch of people. Maybe somewhere down the line, they’ll read it. But if I get published, would they buy it? This goes along the lines of asking an artist for free artwork. Or a physical therapist for free adjustments. Yes, some freebies are expected when you want to go into business for yourself, but if you want this to be a career or at least a profitable side-gig, you can’t be giving stuff away for free all the time.

3.       You offer to read it the novel because you want to get into my good graces…or my pants. I absolutely hate it when the following scenario occurs: Person A: “Oh you’re a writer?” Me: “Yeah I’m working on wrapping up a novel.” A: “OH! I’d love to read it sometime.” I mean, Person A doesn’t even know what I write or what my story is about. How can you, in good conscience, volunteer to read something you know nothing about? This type of enthusiasm is the carrot-dangling behavior that really crushes my spirit because the moment we break up or Person A gets busy with something else, all that promise goes out the window. And I am left, yet again, with no feedback, sitting on my hands, wondering what I’m going to do with the manuscript now.

4.       It causes me to think the worst and then descend into a spiral of self-doubt and loathing. Did my betas start my novel and find it just. That. Bad? So bad that they couldn’t get through it, but were too embarrassed to tell me? Was it offensive? Or awkward? How can it be improved? This has caused me to put a novel away for good before. And yet, I still don’t know if that novel was garbage or not…..

I’m sure right now some of you are thinking, “wow, she sounds so ungrateful to her friends. These people are volunteering their time and their energy to help.” Except they aren’t. They wrote words to me stating their intention, but that was it.* They provided me with hope, that was then let down. As writers, it’s already hard enough to get noticed. Your work falls into piles and piles of similar projects – filled with all the hope, fear, triumph and regret of their authors. When you submit something to a publisher or Agent, you’re lucky to get an auto-generated confirmation of receipt and better yet, a rejection. However, I don’t want to feel that same let down with friends.

Maybe I’m doing something wrong in my search for betas. Do need to pay them? Find strangers on websites (though this has never worked for me either)? Create an application process? Make them pay me? :P Join a writers’ group? What do other broke non-career authors do when they need a second set of eyes on their work?  

So…What did I do? I jumped in for one more try of 3 beta readers. One, I promised a bottle of scotch. One, I read his novella so now have guilting powers. And one read my first draft and knows I have no qualms hounding him until he completes it.  So we’ll see…

I will now conclude this post with a PSA: Please, please, please…don’t feel like you *have* to read my stuff if we’re friends. If it’s not your genre, or if you just don’t have time, that’s OK! I will still love you. However, if you do volunteer, make sure you can reasonably predict having the time and energy to follow through. And if you have questions, or problems, or can’t finish it, please…just let me know! Don’t make me turn a post about beta-readers into a post about communication…

(And for those who have helped me out in the past and who are currently putting in effort for me, I am grateful [and hopeful] for the feedback you will deliver).

♥

Lyndsie

Living in Fear vs. Living for Happiness - The Saga of Lyndsie - Part 27

A man has weakness, he's flawed
that flaw leads him to guilt
the guilt leads him to shame
the shame he compensates with pride & vanity
and when pride fails, despair takes over
and they all lead to his destruction
which will become his fate.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6L2xaklGm1s&feature=youtu.be

Today, I had a conversation with a friend over life choices (or the lack thereof). It will probably not come a surprise to most of you that life is a difficult thing to navigate through. Adulting is hard. We have to make choices that are going to be good for us - for our livelihood and our physical, mental, and emotional health. Sometimes, these choices only satisfy one or two of the above.

For instance, going on a vacation may be something you want to do, which will lead you to destress and be happy. However, that vacation will put you out of a good chunk of your money and the time you need to work to make more money. While we all want to go on vacations, we know that we also need to work. Thus, we have to choose how many and what type of vacations we can take. 

Some of people never travel or take vacations because they are too afraid to be in debt and not have a job. This fear leads them to inactivity, working day in and day out, without much break. And then that work, unless it's your dream job, slowly wears your spirit down until you get into a rut that you cannot break out of. Or, you lose your mind and bust out of the prison, with guns blazing, into the world - quitting your job, selling all your things, and living in an RV in the middle of the forest. 

While this is a bit of an exaggeration, sadly, the reality is that most of us are living in fear. We live in fear of failure, or to be seen by the masses as a failure. However, because this fear leads us to inactivity, we are making our fears a reality which leads to our fate...we become the failures that we are so terrified to be.

Breaking out of this fear-laden mentality requires risk.  

Without risk, we cannot reap reward. 

Many times this risk puts us initially in an uncomfortable situation which at first, feels bad. It makes us question how we could have possibly thought this stupid idea was good. If, however, we are able to push through those bad feelings, we open ourselves up to new possibilities. Granted, this opening up is not easy. It makes one feel vulnerable, you could as easily get hurt as you could succeed. 

And many times, you will get hurt. Initial hurts feel like the world is ripping out your soul and stomping it into the ground. They feel as if they are never going to get any better and you are going to spend your entire life in hurt. However, hurts fade. And with every time you're hurt, you learn a lesson.

Some will take these lessons and throw them away, allowing themselves to get bitter and continually repeat the hurt. However, a wise person will learn from these lessons and to recognize the hurt when it comes around again. Once they understand that the feeling is only temporary, it will recede. Thus, knowing this, you will worry less about getting hurt and focus more on the benefits you will receive. I believe this is the beginning of true optimism.

Optimism: This is a quality that is attributed to me so much so that even my coworkers recognize it (I've been unofficially dubbed "Optimist Prime" ala Transformers).  Being optimistic does not mean that I never get sad and worried (trust me, I worry all the time), but it does mean that I am willing to take more risks because I see the positive outcome of every risk, rather than the negative. It took me a long time to get to this truly optimistic point of view, but the first big step of that was learning to work with my fear.

Fear will never truly go away, it is constantly going to be there. Even for those who think they've mastered optimism, it is possible to retreat back into fear during the darkest and most anxiety-ridden times. But the more you learn to cope with that fear of losing, fear of being seen as less than perfect, or fear of being alone, the quicker you will be able to get over it and continue on the forward motion  of your life. 

So, ultimately, I think the first step is to identify what you want. Be honest with yourself and dig deep into your psyche to figure out what single thing would make you the happiest. Then you should assess whether or not you are achieving that thing (I'm going to guess that for most of us the answer is "no"). This is the point where you begin figuring out what kinds of risks, what kinds of uncomfortable tasks, you will need to do to help you achieve that happiness. 

When I was at the lowest point of my life, immediately after leaving the husband who abused me both emotionally and physically, questioning that I had done the right thing, I came across the below article: 

https://www.thebestbrainpossible.com/are-you-living-according-to-what-you-want-or-according-to-what-you-dont-want/

This article asks you the question: Are you living according to what you want, or what you don't want?  It was the first time that someone (albeit an author on the Internet) had confronted me to point me to the harsh reality of the situation. I had been living my life the way I had because it was comfortable, understandable, known. However, just be cause something is familiar and you understand it, does not mean that it is good for your mental or emotional health. 

In fact, it's probably the opposite. Your brain, or your ego, is so used to feeling abused that it just goes along for the ride. It would rather have things be "easy" even if they hurt, than hard with potential happiness.

I would highly recommend checking out this article if you are at a point in your life where you are question whether your current path is still good for your or if you need to make some changes, however small, that may be uncomfortable yet productive.

And everyone can do this. Trust me. I believe in you! 

Fad Diets - The Saga of Lyndsie - Part 26

I’d like to take this time to talk a little bit about “fad diets” or in other words, “Why other people’s eating habits offend you”.

I had never considered myself a “dieter”. I love food. I love eating. I love trying new things, especially “weird” things.  Now, I can’t say that I enjoy all food because I have definitely tried some stuff that just tastes wrong (like natto). However, overall, I would definitely say that I’m an eater. That is why it took me a long time to finally admit to myself that I may have sensitivities to food or, at the very least, that some foods make me feel worse than others. The main offender food – whether insensitivity or no – is a food that has recently been cited as “the root of all dietary problems”.  However I thought, that while cutting this food out may help me feel better, it would also hopefully have the side effect of helping me lose weight. And, when I had decided to limit this food, I knew that I was going to be lumped into the “fad diet” crowd. 

A crowd that I will admit, used to draw scoffs and subdued eye-rolls from myself as well.

Originally, I entertained the idea of going on the Whole 30 diet or the Keto diet, but when I proposed those ideas to the manfriend he was like “no way in hell.” This would mean that I would be cooking all my own food while I watched him eat his “bachelor diet” of mac’and’cheese, hot dogs, cereal, & chips and salsa. All the while secretly hating him for 1. Not having to deal with (or admit to) the fact that food makes him sick. And 2. Not having a negative body image about himself. Thus, my next thought was, “what can I eliminate that will still allow James and I to eat the same food at home.”

So I went there, I decided to cut gluten. Or at least, the most obvious sources of gluten in my life: pasta, bread products, & pizza. Now, if we make hamburgers, manfriend can have a sandwich while I just eat the meat and toppings. It works mostly OK. Every now and then I plan to cheat or eat something with just a little gluten, but overall I wanted to see if I would feel better: happier, more energetic, & with less gastrointestinal issues.

The week I decided to really focus on this, one of our regional directors was visiting from Montreal and offered to buy us all pizza for lunch. When I thanked him and apologized that I wouldn’t be able to partake in this, one of my coworkers proceeded to lecture me about why the gluten-free diet was a fad.

She went on to explain to me that I will always crave stuff like pizza because I grew up on it and I’m used to it.

And that gluten wasn’t my problem, but eating meat was.

And how I needed those carbs because I work on a computer and carbs fuel brainpower. This she based on a study from two doctors showed that carbs prevent diabetes more than fat did.

Oh and that if I wanted to lose weight, I needed to count calories rather than cut gluten.

That I should just eat more vegetables in general.

And that sugar is also a problem, including fruit, so I should stop that too.

Oh and why haven’t I gone to the doctor to get tested (note: I have an appointment but it’s not even just that. I could not biologically have a sensitivity but can still feel bloated/depressed from eating 3 slices of pizza.)

Pretty much she gave me the impression that my choices deeply offended her and that I was completely stupid.

But you know what? After having spent a lot of time around people who are “gluten-free by choice”, have celiacs, have allergies, are vegetarians by choice, are vegetarians w/o a choice…etc. I realized something…

It’s really none of my business what these people want to eat unless I make it my business.

Most of the people I know who have these preferences/requirements, are generally very flexible and do not expect you to accommodate them. But there are time when I do want to accommodate them. For instance, in regards to SCA camping & meal plans, I have invited people w/ limited diets to participate. This is because I want the company of people and certain food issues, including gluten-free, are easy enough to work around. (Now, if you have too many food allergies, you’re probably on your own b/c I don’t want to accidentally kill you).

So, here is my question: Why is food seen as such a personal issue? This is one of the things that really irks me.

Why do people feel the need to press you into eating the donuts/cookies/bagels they made/bought for the office? 

Why do you have to make me feel guilty for not eating those things?

And, why do they think they know better than you what your diet should be?

For me, feeding people is a joy. As an Italian, I express love through food. Food brings community. I will admit, if someone turned something I made down, I would assume that they didn’t like it and feel a little bummed. However, I would feel a lot worse if someone ate something I made/offered and then got sick from it.  That is kind of the opposite of building community.

One could argue that people worry about the dieter. And yeah, some fad diets are probably not good for you, but we are all adults and thus, we don’t really need other adults telling us what we should/shouldn’t eat. If you are really concerned for someone and their “diet” choice, maybe you should just ask them questions to ensure that they’ve done the necessary research. It’s kind of crummy to get all up in arms about someone doing/eating something that don’t or won’t do. Make sure you think about how hard this may be for them already.

During that meeting, the one where the director bought pizza, I was literally trapped in a room full of pizza-enjoyers, stuck with the shittiest salad in all of creation: lettuce, shredded cheddar, tomatoes, banana peppers & onions. I know he tried to support my choice but honestly, if one person had given me shit for not eating the delicious-smelling pizza, I probably would have just started bawling.  I <3 o:p="" pizza.="">

So, the next time you want to judge someone’s diet choices, please be sensitive. They may be jumping on the bandwagon, or they may be trying to be healthier but either way, they are making sacrifices that they may not exactly want to make. Unless they are asking for advice, or asking you to cook for them, it really shouldn’t affect you what they choose to or not to eat.

For me, personally, the plan is to cut out ­gluten-y things and replace it with more vegetables and whole grains of other types. I may not look it, but I am nearing my mid-30s and have realized that my body doesn’t play as nice as it used to. I am not as active as I was in my 20s because I’m not hiking across campus all day long with a 30lb backpack. I am also more financially comfortable and YET more responsible. This means that I can afford to eat out more often, but also that I have a lot more bills as well. Eating out is terrible for the wallet and definitely gives you more options for temptation (fried everything, pizza, mac & cheese at every restaurant).

What I want to do is build a habit of healthier eating rather than just dieting to lose weight. I want to do this for manfriend as well because he’s also in his mid-30s (though he refused to admit it) and it couldn’t hurt but also because it’s easier to eat together if we eat the same food. I’m hoping the main effect of this is that I will feel better: less-bloated, less upset stomachs, less lethargic, less depressed. If I lose weight also – yay! If we get used to eating ½ plate of veggies (yes, that’s 2-3 “servings” in 1 meal), then all the more successful it’ll be!

That being said, I would appreciate support for my endeavor. And, if I break down and have a piece of pizza or a cookie now and then, please don’t judge me. We’re all human, afterall.

 

Adrenaline & Endorphins - The Saga of Lyndsie - Part 25

At this point in my life, every time I get to the gym, it feels like an accomplishment. Every morning I get to the gym, it feels like a great accomplishment.

Sure, sleeping is nice. Laying in bed lazily on a relaxing Sunday morning is amazing. However, stubbornly trying to get in those last 5 or 15 or 30 minutes of alarm interrupted sleep on a dark, weekday morning is just… Painful. Conversely, getting up immediately when the alarm rings and your eyes and legs don’t want to work, is almost as bad.

If you knew me at all, you’d know that I am not a morning person. AT ALL. So the fact that I’ve been working to make a routine of snoozing for 15 minutes or less Is probably about as hard a job as landing a man on the moon. But dammit, I need to start  getting up to be productive. Some days, that might mean getting into work early. Other days, it should mean being able to go to the gym. Right!?

Well I e been trying. This has happened in the last month less that I would have liked. Ideally, I would like to have one day a week where I get up early and go. (I know, that more than one day is probably better, and 3 to 4 days is ideal). However, good freaking luck with that one LOL! One day, maybe at least make it a habit I hope…

I mean, when I do make it to the gym in the morning everything else feels amazing. My body, while tired, feels energized. My mind seems to work with more clarity and my mood definitely increases. You would think these benefits would be enough to get me going every day. Unfortunately, not Quite yet.

However, mornings when I’m stumbling awake is really the best free time I have for the gym. After work, I’m always running errands and trying to do something like hang out with my boyfriend. And honestly, there really aren’t enough hours in the evening to do all the things that I want to do. Again, you would think all of these reasons would be easy motivation to get to the gym in the morning. It’s not like I need sleep anyway… Unfortunately, that’s still not enough.

Ugh... how do I work up my resolve to just get my lazy ass out of bed and get gym ready? Telling myself to do so seems to be the only thing that works and only works about half the time. Maybe I need to be hypnotized… LOL.

So this is the other thing I'm trying to do...capture this amazing post gym feeling. The heightened senses, quick thinking, positive mood and energized feeling. If I could bottle that up so I could revisit it in the wee hours of the morning, I'm sure that would help. As I can't do that, then maybe, re-reading this post occasionally will convince me that it’s totally worth it.


So, dear Lyndsie, future Lyndsie, if you’re reading this… Get yo ass up! Do something good for your body and mind.
Love, past Lyndsie 

Welcome to Anamnesis (a.k.a. the title change) - Anamnesis The Novel

What's in a name? That which we call a rose

By any other name would smell as sweet.

- Shakespeare's Romeo & Juliet (II, ii, 1-2)

As some of you may already know, I have had to make a minor (monumental) change to my completed cyberpunk novel, "Insignia". I had to change the name.

Back in 2012 when I had started writing this novel, I searched the name to make sure there wasn't a similar novel with the same one. At that point in time, there was not. However, the problem with sitting on a novel for six years means that the world of literature changes and someone steals your title....Yes, I'm looking at you, S.J. Kincaid. (Ok, ok, I also bought your book).

https://sjkincaid.com/book/insignia/ 

Insignia by S.J. Kincaid was released as the 1st in a series, in 2013. Nice going Lyndsie, way to get on that. :-\

Needless to say, not to be overshadowed by an already prolific author, I needed to find a new title. It's sad, too, because Insignia is very pertinent to my book, easy to say, and most people can figure it out. I wanted to stick to the one-word title because it captured the feel of my story - the spartan, dark world. Unfortunately, all the other more common key words just didn't have as much oomph as "Insignia". Or they were taken.

 Memory
Timeseer (already a book with that name anyway)
Humanity
Savant (already a book here too)

And then there were multi-word titles that I debated on though they seemed to be a stretch:

The Memory Code
The Mech Wars (I didn't even bother looking this one up because I'm sure there's already something out there)
Being Human
Bright Star

Finally, I turned to synonyms of the two words I like the most: Insignia & Memory. I didn't find anything good for insignia except "colophon"which is a bookmakers symbol. Specifically,

a statement at the end of a book, typically with a printer's emblem, giving information about its authorship and printing.

However, there are a lot of great words for "Memory": Remembrance, Flashback, Reminiscence, Retrospection, Cognizance, Mindfulness, Anamnesis....

That's when I fell upon that last one and said to myself, "That seems like sci-fi." When I looked it up, it hit home even further:

Anamnesis [an-am-nee-sis] (n): the recollection of the Ideas, which the soul had known in a previous existence, especially by means of reasoning.

- Platonism 

Honestly, there's no more perfect title for this novel. 

So now I just need to get it published before someone else steals it.....

Indie vs. Traditional Publishing - The Saga of Lyndsie - Part 24

In 2012, I began to write a book as some of you may know (ok, I am kidding. If you are one of those that still doesn't know that I am/have been writing a book for a while now, then you must have been living under a rock).

Anyway, in 2013, 2015, 2016, & 2017, I have finished this book. Yes, I finished it multiple times because it has undergone some edits every time I want to declare it officially "finished".

However, I have sat and sat and sat on this book. What was I going to do with it? The idea of submitting to traditional publishers literally paralyzed me. Though, I couldn't really place my finger on why.

Most people would just say that I'm lazy and/or not committed enough to my writing to work really hard and do research 45 hours/day and get 1000 rejections before finally getting accepted somewhere. But in actuality, I think my feet-dragging was really related to other things.

- I wasn't sure I was even good enough to be a writer.
- I didn't feel like I was good enough to be a writer.
- Thus, why put a ton of work into trying to get published when I wasn't really worth it?
- Also, I was overwhelmed and didn't know where to start.
- Losing control over much of my writing via contracts was not appealing
- Conflicting information
- This highlighted one of my WORST skills: doing research

 However, I have realized that NOT getting my work out there was kind of killing my self-worth too. That was when a friend of mine opportunistically started this online writer group with bi-weekly meetups. Then from that, I learned of the Angry Robot publishing open door which encouraged me to fine tune my story for publication. THEN I found CIPA (Colorado Independent Publishers Association).

I have been to two CIPA meetings so far and have found them very inspiring. And I learned one very great thing about Indie Publishing - It really relies on networking. One of my BEST skills.  This last meeting was a presentation on Traditional vs. Indie publishing and couldn't have been more enlightening. I have weighed this decision in my head for a long time, and think I've finally come to a decision.

First of all, I am going to weigh out the Pros & cons of both styles of publishing. Now, let me tell you, this is only what I understand (and the result of 4 years of research) but it could be incomplete or plain wrong. However, if it's the latter, I would blame the websites and "respectable people" i have gotten it from.

Traditional Publishing
Pros:
- (perceived as) More respectable
- Less work in promotion/marketing for the author
- (generally) Provides cover art, editing, typsetting etc.
- Access to a wider network
- Advances and contracts to ensure work
Cons:
- Take a larger % of your earnings
- Shady contracts/contracts that can affect you long term
- Less control over cover art and edits
- Some of the pros above are inconsistent between publishers (like some require the author to do a lot more marketing etc).
- Slower to publication/printing
- Competing against many other books

Indie Pub (formerly-known as Self Publishing)
Pros:
- Keep more of your earnings
- More control over story, art, and distribution area
- Your own schedule
- More overall Freedom
- Faster to publication/printing/distribution
Cons:
- More investment financially from author
- More time required to "get big" with marketing/promos
- Quality may be perceived lower
- Competing with a lot of other authors

So the more I have looked these over, the more I have begun to feel that Indie Pub is going to be the future. Books come out quicker and they are more to the taste of the author. And since it seems that everyone is an author these days, making a living off of it may not be as easy as it used to be.

For me, I think it's the better step. I mean, don't get me wrong, I would love to be a professional writer where writing IS my day job. However, at this point, it doesn't feel like possibility from either route. Because, even if I did get picked up by a Trad Pub, it is no guarantee that I will be able to live off that. In fact, it's almost guaranteed to be the opposite at first. I would still have to work my day job while simultaneously churning out works to stay relevant. That seems more stressful than I would like.

Right now, I just want my story to be read. To be loved (and hated), shared and talked about. I want to hold a copy in my hands and say "This...this is mine".  So, I have taken the initial steps to become a published author - I bought business cards, a web domain, and have begun thinking about crowdfunding for cover art and editing fees.

I WILL have a finished, fucking, novel. Even if it takes me 10 years to do so.

P.S. OMG YOU GUYZ, I'm super excited about my business cards.

Fight Like A Girl (and Kick Butt!!) - The Saga of Lyndsie - Part 23

I had written this post in honor of International Women's Day, but have not had a chance to post it until now. Better late than never, I suppose!!

This day has been significant for me since I was living in Italy at the age of 20. I remember walking around Perugia during my lunch break from school, shopping and getting coffee, and a couple of men handed me some flowers. It was a bunch of purple flower and something else that reminded me of a daisy.

At first I said, “No grazie. Non ho soldi.” (No, thank you. I don’t have money.”

But the man insisted, “Prego, prego. É la festa delle donne.” (Please, please. It’s Women’s Day. )

At the time, I didn’t understand.  I had never heard of “Women’s Day.” I had to ask a shopkeeper what Women’s Day was.

“You Americans don’t know International Women’s day?”

And I hadn’t known. It was never something that was ever mentioned when I was growing up (or if it was, it wasn’t made enough of a big deal that I remember it).  I remember thinking at the time how great it was to have a day that is recognized internationally to celebrate women.

As there are many influential women in my life, I would spend some time celebrating them here. Please be aware, this will not be an exhaustive list because time and practicality dictate that I will not get to them all.

However, before I start, let me briefly share a short history of International Women’s Day from Wikipedia. The first women's day was observed in February 1909 when 15,000 women marched through the streets of New York demanding improved pay, shorter hours and voting rights. The day was mostly celebrated by socialist movements and communist countries in the following decades. In 1975, the United Nations proclaimed the year International Women’s Year and christened March 8 as Women’s Day. There is a much richer history of this event, but you can find all that information on the Interwebz.

Influential Women to me: 

1.       My Grandmother, Leslie Jagiello: All the women in my family are amazing and I am proud to know them. However, if you want to see someone that has a fire burning inside her, you just need to turn to my grandmother. She is over 90 years old and keeps saying she’ll live to be 100. She is stubborn, silly, intelligent, a hard worker, and very loving parent & grandparent.  She loves babies and bourbon. She took me on so many adventures when I was a child from cruises through Annapolis harbor, to farther away retreats in the Bahamas. 

She has showed me just how strong a woman can be even after enduring heartbreaking hardships. She inspires me every day with her actions – she never acts her age – and her (sometimes) outspoken-ness. She is never afraid to be herself. And, even at 91, she is beautiful. I am looking forward to being a feisty, whisky-drinking, laughing, travelling old lady, just as she is. 

2.       My Mom, Marian (Jagiello) Clark:  If knowing my grandmother wasn’t enough to understand the strength women have in my family, then knowing my mom would hit it home. She is definitely one of the strongest women that I know. I mean, after all, she had to deal with ME as a child. :P As ½ of the pair that raised me, I learned a lot from her including how to be open-minded, tolerant, kind, loving, fashion-forward, and to take care of myself (emotionally, physically, and in life).  Her continuous challenging has made me strive to be a better person and has set my own expectations of myself high. She’s silly as hell and I kind of love it when she gets drunk at social gatherings and dances.  She’s also seriously good at sewing – a trait that I unfortunately didn’t inherit.  Again, she’s beautiful. I got good genes!

3.       Women Fighters: I want to say first that I am always in awe of women fighters (fencers, heavies, martial artists, MMA etc.) but I would like to highlight three in this post from the SCA.

-          Tatiana Bonieux (Goss): Tatiana is an inspiration for so many reasons. She is a five-foot-nothin’ fencer who is just totally fierce.  She will stab you in the face before you realize she’s even moved. More than once she’s stabbed me and I have fought on for a few moments before I realized that I was dead. Much how I imagine a real sword fight going with her in fact…Recently, she got her Master of Defense peerage and since then she has just exploded. I am so excited to see her living up to the role with both her mentoring and her personal growth.  Not that she didn’t have these qualities before – she always has – but since the MoD-ding she is no longer just a (very) skilled fighter but has grown into a peer.  Her support of the fencing community and fencers individually is inspiring. Every time she says “Good job, Lana!” I know she means it. And every time she apologizes for maybe missing something, I know she means it. Tatiana, in addition to being fierce & fast, is also earnest, humble and very positive. All of these qualities are those that I fully admire.

-          Mahara Vandale (Jennifer Thomson): Mahara has been an inspiration, not only for me, but for an entire household.  House Vandale was formed in 2013 but the formation was really only official in name. Before that time, people flocked around Mahara and her husband, Tom, and they created a community. Any who knows me, would know that community is something that I value very highly. Mahara is inspiring because she is always welcoming to anyone who wants to be a part of her life.  She is also a talented fencer and artisan. She’s always willing to help and support her friends and even her acquaintances. The most notable thing about her personality is that she is easily delighted and excited about the cool things in the world, and that her friends are interested in. I have learned a lot from her in her prowess and positive attitude.

-          Yazida bint Zarif (Yaz Ostrowski): A true renaissance woman: talented, creative, martial, generous, sarcastic, and kind. She taught me so much when I was a punk kid just starting out. To this day I still have some of her hand me down garb! She showed me the joy that was the SCA with a healthy dose of reliquaries, cooked babies, cat training, and other shenanigans.

The Internal Conflict of Every Writer - The Saga of Lyndsie - Part 18

Welp, I did it!

I submitted Insignia to Angry Robot's open door publishing event. This event was for people who don't have an agent or who aren't published already. I can still submit it to other things but if I get accepted somewhere else, or get an agent, then I'd have to withdraw I think.

I really feel like there should be fireworks or a dancing bear at this point, so I am putting one in below.

Now on to the hard stuff. I'm feeling pretty apprehensive that terrified that it's going to get automatically rejected b/c of the teenage character since they said they don't want YA stories. However, I don't really feel like my novel is YA because it doesn't have many of the elements of YA. Like: No love triangles and no sparkly vampires. In all seriousness though...it's grittier and fouler than a lot of YA novels that I've read and there are other main adult characters plus an overarching theme of revolution and terrorism which is probably more adult than teens can handle? On the other hand, the biggest theme is the growth and development of the main character who is a teenager and his teenage friends.

Anyway, this blog post wasn't specifically about whether Insignia is young adult or not...that may be the subject of a further post after I do extensive research.

The main point of this post was: "YAY! I submitted a thing!" and "OH shit! I might get published but PROBABLY will just get a rejection letter, so don't get your hopes up, Lyndsie." Yeah, you're probably right....this will just be the first submission for this novel and I will have to try again and again.

That being said, I have learned a lot in this process and I thought I'd share some of it here. It will likely be interspersed with my insecurities and doubts, put-downs, and agony over how I'm still not good enough at writing to claim to be a writer. Which seems like a good place to start.....

Insignia - The Saga 

I began writing this novel for NANOWRIMO 2012 after reading Neuromancer and becoming frustrated that the world was so cool, but the characters were lacking. Case was a whiny, drugged-out hacker lowlife who was neither likable nor especially unlikable.  Molly Millions was a razorgirl, who should have been an undeniably badass cyborg chick that would slice the shit out of anyone who crossed her, but ended up getting in trouble in essentially her first job in the book and needing to be rescued by that burnout, Case.

I wanted more. I wanted to learn more about these people - the guy who was addicted to drugs who could hook his brain into a computer, the chick who had her eyes replaced with mirrored lenses and razorblades under her fingernails. I also wanted a slightly more relatedable world. Some of the technology was almost too obscure or inexplicable for me to follow (Which I find is the case with many 70s/80s sci-fi).

However, I liked the gritty, dirty world. The criminal- and assassin- main characters. I liked the odd juxtaposition of 80s tech with futuristic tech. The depiction of file folders manifested in a physical form. The idea that your brain could go somewhere that your body couldn't.....so I wrote Insignia, focusing a bit more on character development and at the same time adding social commentary about the evils of consumerism and the hope revolution brings (think Star Wars!).

Then, life happened at the beginning of 2013. My marriage exploded, I moved out, got divorced, lost my job...and while I had *won* NANOWRIMO by writing the requisite 50k words, I hadn't finished the novel. It would take me another year+ to actually complete it. "Winning" NANOWRIMO 2013 again with another 50k. Novel still was not finished. NANOWRIMO 2014 was the year when I actually completed the novel, which sat around 103k at that time.

It took me yet another year, NANOWRIMO 2015, to edit that sucker, adding another 14k of content in the process, re-writing the prologue, brutally hacking it apart, only to rebuild it from its ashes better, stronger. Then...I left it to sit for two years.

I did this for a variety of reasons. The one I would tell people is that I was busy with my job, the SCA, home-ownership...but the one I didn't admit, even to myself, for the longest time was that I was self-conscious. I didn't think my writing was worth anything. I thought that only non-writers liked my stuff because they couldn't see all the holes and flaws in it that I could see. That publishers would see. That would cause me to never get published.

I let my novel linger in "near-finalized limbo" for so long. I could tell myself, "Yeah! I am a writer! I wrote a novel! I edited that novel! I did what many, many writers can't do! Go me!" I could ride that wave of perceived success for.....eternity. Except for the fact that what I wanted, what I really, really wanted, was for people to read it. For people to love it, as I loved it.

That wasn't ever going to happen if I didn't do something with it. In 2015, a good friend put my novel on one of those sites where you can buy an informal-yet-physical copy of something. Seeing it in this fake-published state made me think "You know, maybe I can do this."  Yet I still did nothing. I polished it up more. Thought about self-publishing. But still, did nothing.

Then, in October of this year, my friend Dana Wodke, a massage therapist and life coach, invited me to this writer's group. The goal of the group is to go from zero to book in a year. Very shortly after that I saw a post on Facebook from Carrie Vaughn, a friend and author, calling out this publishing event. Finally, Finally, I said to myself, "I. AM. GOING. TO. DO. THIS!"

So, I invested money in Scribophile, where you can get feedback from other authors. I perfected my first 2 chapters. I wrote and rewrote my 2-page summary. I thought critically about where the holes were and how I would fill them. I probably neglected James by staying up way too late on a school night writing and perfecting. I submitted the novel @ 6:30PM on 12/30/17. I got a confirmation email that it had been received. I had done it.

One thing that Scribophile taught me is that editing is endless. I could get critique on a piece of writing, fix it according to the critique, and then get critique that essentially wanted it to go back to the way it was. "Does this mean that my work will never be good enough?" I ask myself.  Maybe. Though I've been really trying to ignore that voice. I can't please everyone.

I am probably not the next J.K. Rowling.

But, as long as some people like it. As long as I have an audience, whether that audience is hardcore sci-fi lovers or teen YA readers, then I will consider myself successful.

At this point, I am trying very hard to remain positive about this whole thing. It's very unlikely that I will get an acceptance this time. I mean, it's the very first time I've ever submitted anything. EVER. And I am not that lucky. I mean, even J.K. Rowling was rejected something like 100 times before getting picked up. However, I have taken the first step. And, to quote every obnoxious motivational meme:



So that was my first step.

Here's to 999 more!

Note: I have posted some resources for writers on the page of the same name within this blog. Feel free to visit it if you want to see what I have found helpful! Also, if you have any other good resources, let me know and I will add them!