Living in Fear vs. Living for Happiness - The Saga of Lyndsie - Part 27

A man has weakness, he's flawed
that flaw leads him to guilt
the guilt leads him to shame
the shame he compensates with pride & vanity
and when pride fails, despair takes over
and they all lead to his destruction
which will become his fate.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6L2xaklGm1s&feature=youtu.be

Today, I had a conversation with a friend over life choices (or the lack thereof). It will probably not come a surprise to most of you that life is a difficult thing to navigate through. Adulting is hard. We have to make choices that are going to be good for us - for our livelihood and our physical, mental, and emotional health. Sometimes, these choices only satisfy one or two of the above.

For instance, going on a vacation may be something you want to do, which will lead you to destress and be happy. However, that vacation will put you out of a good chunk of your money and the time you need to work to make more money. While we all want to go on vacations, we know that we also need to work. Thus, we have to choose how many and what type of vacations we can take. 

Some of people never travel or take vacations because they are too afraid to be in debt and not have a job. This fear leads them to inactivity, working day in and day out, without much break. And then that work, unless it's your dream job, slowly wears your spirit down until you get into a rut that you cannot break out of. Or, you lose your mind and bust out of the prison, with guns blazing, into the world - quitting your job, selling all your things, and living in an RV in the middle of the forest. 

While this is a bit of an exaggeration, sadly, the reality is that most of us are living in fear. We live in fear of failure, or to be seen by the masses as a failure. However, because this fear leads us to inactivity, we are making our fears a reality which leads to our fate...we become the failures that we are so terrified to be.

Breaking out of this fear-laden mentality requires risk.  

Without risk, we cannot reap reward. 

Many times this risk puts us initially in an uncomfortable situation which at first, feels bad. It makes us question how we could have possibly thought this stupid idea was good. If, however, we are able to push through those bad feelings, we open ourselves up to new possibilities. Granted, this opening up is not easy. It makes one feel vulnerable, you could as easily get hurt as you could succeed. 

And many times, you will get hurt. Initial hurts feel like the world is ripping out your soul and stomping it into the ground. They feel as if they are never going to get any better and you are going to spend your entire life in hurt. However, hurts fade. And with every time you're hurt, you learn a lesson.

Some will take these lessons and throw them away, allowing themselves to get bitter and continually repeat the hurt. However, a wise person will learn from these lessons and to recognize the hurt when it comes around again. Once they understand that the feeling is only temporary, it will recede. Thus, knowing this, you will worry less about getting hurt and focus more on the benefits you will receive. I believe this is the beginning of true optimism.

Optimism: This is a quality that is attributed to me so much so that even my coworkers recognize it (I've been unofficially dubbed "Optimist Prime" ala Transformers).  Being optimistic does not mean that I never get sad and worried (trust me, I worry all the time), but it does mean that I am willing to take more risks because I see the positive outcome of every risk, rather than the negative. It took me a long time to get to this truly optimistic point of view, but the first big step of that was learning to work with my fear.

Fear will never truly go away, it is constantly going to be there. Even for those who think they've mastered optimism, it is possible to retreat back into fear during the darkest and most anxiety-ridden times. But the more you learn to cope with that fear of losing, fear of being seen as less than perfect, or fear of being alone, the quicker you will be able to get over it and continue on the forward motion  of your life. 

So, ultimately, I think the first step is to identify what you want. Be honest with yourself and dig deep into your psyche to figure out what single thing would make you the happiest. Then you should assess whether or not you are achieving that thing (I'm going to guess that for most of us the answer is "no"). This is the point where you begin figuring out what kinds of risks, what kinds of uncomfortable tasks, you will need to do to help you achieve that happiness. 

When I was at the lowest point of my life, immediately after leaving the husband who abused me both emotionally and physically, questioning that I had done the right thing, I came across the below article: 

https://www.thebestbrainpossible.com/are-you-living-according-to-what-you-want-or-according-to-what-you-dont-want/

This article asks you the question: Are you living according to what you want, or what you don't want?  It was the first time that someone (albeit an author on the Internet) had confronted me to point me to the harsh reality of the situation. I had been living my life the way I had because it was comfortable, understandable, known. However, just be cause something is familiar and you understand it, does not mean that it is good for your mental or emotional health. 

In fact, it's probably the opposite. Your brain, or your ego, is so used to feeling abused that it just goes along for the ride. It would rather have things be "easy" even if they hurt, than hard with potential happiness.

I would highly recommend checking out this article if you are at a point in your life where you are question whether your current path is still good for your or if you need to make some changes, however small, that may be uncomfortable yet productive.

And everyone can do this. Trust me. I believe in you! 

Fad Diets - The Saga of Lyndsie - Part 26

I’d like to take this time to talk a little bit about “fad diets” or in other words, “Why other people’s eating habits offend you”.

I had never considered myself a “dieter”. I love food. I love eating. I love trying new things, especially “weird” things.  Now, I can’t say that I enjoy all food because I have definitely tried some stuff that just tastes wrong (like natto). However, overall, I would definitely say that I’m an eater. That is why it took me a long time to finally admit to myself that I may have sensitivities to food or, at the very least, that some foods make me feel worse than others. The main offender food – whether insensitivity or no – is a food that has recently been cited as “the root of all dietary problems”.  However I thought, that while cutting this food out may help me feel better, it would also hopefully have the side effect of helping me lose weight. And, when I had decided to limit this food, I knew that I was going to be lumped into the “fad diet” crowd. 

A crowd that I will admit, used to draw scoffs and subdued eye-rolls from myself as well.

Originally, I entertained the idea of going on the Whole 30 diet or the Keto diet, but when I proposed those ideas to the manfriend he was like “no way in hell.” This would mean that I would be cooking all my own food while I watched him eat his “bachelor diet” of mac’and’cheese, hot dogs, cereal, & chips and salsa. All the while secretly hating him for 1. Not having to deal with (or admit to) the fact that food makes him sick. And 2. Not having a negative body image about himself. Thus, my next thought was, “what can I eliminate that will still allow James and I to eat the same food at home.”

So I went there, I decided to cut gluten. Or at least, the most obvious sources of gluten in my life: pasta, bread products, & pizza. Now, if we make hamburgers, manfriend can have a sandwich while I just eat the meat and toppings. It works mostly OK. Every now and then I plan to cheat or eat something with just a little gluten, but overall I wanted to see if I would feel better: happier, more energetic, & with less gastrointestinal issues.

The week I decided to really focus on this, one of our regional directors was visiting from Montreal and offered to buy us all pizza for lunch. When I thanked him and apologized that I wouldn’t be able to partake in this, one of my coworkers proceeded to lecture me about why the gluten-free diet was a fad.

She went on to explain to me that I will always crave stuff like pizza because I grew up on it and I’m used to it.

And that gluten wasn’t my problem, but eating meat was.

And how I needed those carbs because I work on a computer and carbs fuel brainpower. This she based on a study from two doctors showed that carbs prevent diabetes more than fat did.

Oh and that if I wanted to lose weight, I needed to count calories rather than cut gluten.

That I should just eat more vegetables in general.

And that sugar is also a problem, including fruit, so I should stop that too.

Oh and why haven’t I gone to the doctor to get tested (note: I have an appointment but it’s not even just that. I could not biologically have a sensitivity but can still feel bloated/depressed from eating 3 slices of pizza.)

Pretty much she gave me the impression that my choices deeply offended her and that I was completely stupid.

But you know what? After having spent a lot of time around people who are “gluten-free by choice”, have celiacs, have allergies, are vegetarians by choice, are vegetarians w/o a choice…etc. I realized something…

It’s really none of my business what these people want to eat unless I make it my business.

Most of the people I know who have these preferences/requirements, are generally very flexible and do not expect you to accommodate them. But there are time when I do want to accommodate them. For instance, in regards to SCA camping & meal plans, I have invited people w/ limited diets to participate. This is because I want the company of people and certain food issues, including gluten-free, are easy enough to work around. (Now, if you have too many food allergies, you’re probably on your own b/c I don’t want to accidentally kill you).

So, here is my question: Why is food seen as such a personal issue? This is one of the things that really irks me.

Why do people feel the need to press you into eating the donuts/cookies/bagels they made/bought for the office? 

Why do you have to make me feel guilty for not eating those things?

And, why do they think they know better than you what your diet should be?

For me, feeding people is a joy. As an Italian, I express love through food. Food brings community. I will admit, if someone turned something I made down, I would assume that they didn’t like it and feel a little bummed. However, I would feel a lot worse if someone ate something I made/offered and then got sick from it.  That is kind of the opposite of building community.

One could argue that people worry about the dieter. And yeah, some fad diets are probably not good for you, but we are all adults and thus, we don’t really need other adults telling us what we should/shouldn’t eat. If you are really concerned for someone and their “diet” choice, maybe you should just ask them questions to ensure that they’ve done the necessary research. It’s kind of crummy to get all up in arms about someone doing/eating something that don’t or won’t do. Make sure you think about how hard this may be for them already.

During that meeting, the one where the director bought pizza, I was literally trapped in a room full of pizza-enjoyers, stuck with the shittiest salad in all of creation: lettuce, shredded cheddar, tomatoes, banana peppers & onions. I know he tried to support my choice but honestly, if one person had given me shit for not eating the delicious-smelling pizza, I probably would have just started bawling.  I <3 o:p="" pizza.="">

So, the next time you want to judge someone’s diet choices, please be sensitive. They may be jumping on the bandwagon, or they may be trying to be healthier but either way, they are making sacrifices that they may not exactly want to make. Unless they are asking for advice, or asking you to cook for them, it really shouldn’t affect you what they choose to or not to eat.

For me, personally, the plan is to cut out ­gluten-y things and replace it with more vegetables and whole grains of other types. I may not look it, but I am nearing my mid-30s and have realized that my body doesn’t play as nice as it used to. I am not as active as I was in my 20s because I’m not hiking across campus all day long with a 30lb backpack. I am also more financially comfortable and YET more responsible. This means that I can afford to eat out more often, but also that I have a lot more bills as well. Eating out is terrible for the wallet and definitely gives you more options for temptation (fried everything, pizza, mac & cheese at every restaurant).

What I want to do is build a habit of healthier eating rather than just dieting to lose weight. I want to do this for manfriend as well because he’s also in his mid-30s (though he refused to admit it) and it couldn’t hurt but also because it’s easier to eat together if we eat the same food. I’m hoping the main effect of this is that I will feel better: less-bloated, less upset stomachs, less lethargic, less depressed. If I lose weight also – yay! If we get used to eating ½ plate of veggies (yes, that’s 2-3 “servings” in 1 meal), then all the more successful it’ll be!

That being said, I would appreciate support for my endeavor. And, if I break down and have a piece of pizza or a cookie now and then, please don’t judge me. We’re all human, afterall.

 

Adrenaline & Endorphins - The Saga of Lyndsie - Part 25

At this point in my life, every time I get to the gym, it feels like an accomplishment. Every morning I get to the gym, it feels like a great accomplishment.

Sure, sleeping is nice. Laying in bed lazily on a relaxing Sunday morning is amazing. However, stubbornly trying to get in those last 5 or 15 or 30 minutes of alarm interrupted sleep on a dark, weekday morning is just… Painful. Conversely, getting up immediately when the alarm rings and your eyes and legs don’t want to work, is almost as bad.

If you knew me at all, you’d know that I am not a morning person. AT ALL. So the fact that I’ve been working to make a routine of snoozing for 15 minutes or less Is probably about as hard a job as landing a man on the moon. But dammit, I need to start  getting up to be productive. Some days, that might mean getting into work early. Other days, it should mean being able to go to the gym. Right!?

Well I e been trying. This has happened in the last month less that I would have liked. Ideally, I would like to have one day a week where I get up early and go. (I know, that more than one day is probably better, and 3 to 4 days is ideal). However, good freaking luck with that one LOL! One day, maybe at least make it a habit I hope…

I mean, when I do make it to the gym in the morning everything else feels amazing. My body, while tired, feels energized. My mind seems to work with more clarity and my mood definitely increases. You would think these benefits would be enough to get me going every day. Unfortunately, not Quite yet.

However, mornings when I’m stumbling awake is really the best free time I have for the gym. After work, I’m always running errands and trying to do something like hang out with my boyfriend. And honestly, there really aren’t enough hours in the evening to do all the things that I want to do. Again, you would think all of these reasons would be easy motivation to get to the gym in the morning. It’s not like I need sleep anyway… Unfortunately, that’s still not enough.

Ugh... how do I work up my resolve to just get my lazy ass out of bed and get gym ready? Telling myself to do so seems to be the only thing that works and only works about half the time. Maybe I need to be hypnotized… LOL.

So this is the other thing I'm trying to do...capture this amazing post gym feeling. The heightened senses, quick thinking, positive mood and energized feeling. If I could bottle that up so I could revisit it in the wee hours of the morning, I'm sure that would help. As I can't do that, then maybe, re-reading this post occasionally will convince me that it’s totally worth it.


So, dear Lyndsie, future Lyndsie, if you’re reading this… Get yo ass up! Do something good for your body and mind.
Love, past Lyndsie 

Indie vs. Traditional Publishing - The Saga of Lyndsie - Part 24

In 2012, I began to write a book as some of you may know (ok, I am kidding. If you are one of those that still doesn't know that I am/have been writing a book for a while now, then you must have been living under a rock).

Anyway, in 2013, 2015, 2016, & 2017, I have finished this book. Yes, I finished it multiple times because it has undergone some edits every time I want to declare it officially "finished".

However, I have sat and sat and sat on this book. What was I going to do with it? The idea of submitting to traditional publishers literally paralyzed me. Though, I couldn't really place my finger on why.

Most people would just say that I'm lazy and/or not committed enough to my writing to work really hard and do research 45 hours/day and get 1000 rejections before finally getting accepted somewhere. But in actuality, I think my feet-dragging was really related to other things.

- I wasn't sure I was even good enough to be a writer.
- I didn't feel like I was good enough to be a writer.
- Thus, why put a ton of work into trying to get published when I wasn't really worth it?
- Also, I was overwhelmed and didn't know where to start.
- Losing control over much of my writing via contracts was not appealing
- Conflicting information
- This highlighted one of my WORST skills: doing research

 However, I have realized that NOT getting my work out there was kind of killing my self-worth too. That was when a friend of mine opportunistically started this online writer group with bi-weekly meetups. Then from that, I learned of the Angry Robot publishing open door which encouraged me to fine tune my story for publication. THEN I found CIPA (Colorado Independent Publishers Association).

I have been to two CIPA meetings so far and have found them very inspiring. And I learned one very great thing about Indie Publishing - It really relies on networking. One of my BEST skills.  This last meeting was a presentation on Traditional vs. Indie publishing and couldn't have been more enlightening. I have weighed this decision in my head for a long time, and think I've finally come to a decision.

First of all, I am going to weigh out the Pros & cons of both styles of publishing. Now, let me tell you, this is only what I understand (and the result of 4 years of research) but it could be incomplete or plain wrong. However, if it's the latter, I would blame the websites and "respectable people" i have gotten it from.

Traditional Publishing
Pros:
- (perceived as) More respectable
- Less work in promotion/marketing for the author
- (generally) Provides cover art, editing, typsetting etc.
- Access to a wider network
- Advances and contracts to ensure work
Cons:
- Take a larger % of your earnings
- Shady contracts/contracts that can affect you long term
- Less control over cover art and edits
- Some of the pros above are inconsistent between publishers (like some require the author to do a lot more marketing etc).
- Slower to publication/printing
- Competing against many other books

Indie Pub (formerly-known as Self Publishing)
Pros:
- Keep more of your earnings
- More control over story, art, and distribution area
- Your own schedule
- More overall Freedom
- Faster to publication/printing/distribution
Cons:
- More investment financially from author
- More time required to "get big" with marketing/promos
- Quality may be perceived lower
- Competing with a lot of other authors

So the more I have looked these over, the more I have begun to feel that Indie Pub is going to be the future. Books come out quicker and they are more to the taste of the author. And since it seems that everyone is an author these days, making a living off of it may not be as easy as it used to be.

For me, I think it's the better step. I mean, don't get me wrong, I would love to be a professional writer where writing IS my day job. However, at this point, it doesn't feel like possibility from either route. Because, even if I did get picked up by a Trad Pub, it is no guarantee that I will be able to live off that. In fact, it's almost guaranteed to be the opposite at first. I would still have to work my day job while simultaneously churning out works to stay relevant. That seems more stressful than I would like.

Right now, I just want my story to be read. To be loved (and hated), shared and talked about. I want to hold a copy in my hands and say "This...this is mine".  So, I have taken the initial steps to become a published author - I bought business cards, a web domain, and have begun thinking about crowdfunding for cover art and editing fees.

I WILL have a finished, fucking, novel. Even if it takes me 10 years to do so.

P.S. OMG YOU GUYZ, I'm super excited about my business cards.

On Lucy Maud Montgomery's Tortured Life, The Tragedy of Tauriel and Endings

L. M. Montgomery's birthday is today (I'm sure Google told many of you this also). For those of you who don't know, she wrote the Anne of Green Gables series.

I am surprised(ish) at how tortured she was and how she *may* have committed suicide. She seems to have had a fascinating life though was born in the wrong era.  Apparently she is quoted to have said that she got married because that's what women did in Canada during that time (Early 1900s).Though her husband was a "winner" who suffered from religious melancholia or essentially depression.

Interestingly and not intentionally, I wrote a main character in a now-defunct zombie novel whose name was Lucy Morgan Monroe. I wonder if somewhere in my subconscious I was channeling my inner childhood lit experience? Who knows...if I could go back in time, dress all fancy (especially if I can wear a fancy hat) and have tea with Ms. Montgomery, I would totally do that. If only time machines were real...

L.M. Montgomery was a strong and influential woman of her time, in a time when women were not really able to be strong and influential. They had a path and that path was through marriage and children to inevitable death from a broken heart - broken at their wasted opportunities. Broken as their spirit was, crushed by a society ruled by men and a very few influential, yet narrow-minded women.

Speaking of ruled by men...I saw this meme today on Facebook that initially made me chuckle but ultimately made me sad.

First of all, I totally support the addition of not-in-the-book female characters to the awesome LOTR world. However, if you're gonna do it, FOR GOD'S SAKE PLEASE DON'T MAKE THEM SUCK! You had one job, PJ, ONE JOB! And you blew it.

If you don't know what I'm talking about, my rant is twofold.

1. She SUCKS at fighting. I mean, she keeps slipping up or falling and one tiny orc overpowers her to the point that she fucks over Killi because she can't keep her shit together.  Up until this point, she's been relatively badass, fairly succeeding in everything she tries to do. But in this last battle scene, she jumps on an orc's back and gets flung of like a squirrel on a T-Rex.

Meanwhile, you've got Legolas over here, hopping off monsters and rubble like some type of coked-up mountain goat, using his dagger as a sort of grappling-hook-cum-emergency brake to slow his fall... OFF OF A TROLL. I mean, even the dorky elven foot soldiers fighting with the dwarves do magical elf-dwarf vaults to embed their impossibly short swords into wargs' eyes. ALL OF THEM DO THIS. Why can't Tauriel stay attached to ONE angry orc?

2. Love. Fine - everyone loves a love story. Especially if it's a love story between the second hottest dwarf (c'mon, you know Filli was the sexier of the two with his bad-ass blond flavor savor) and a hot elf chick (not as hot as Arwen, but you won't find me complaining).  Love makes things interesting. Gives us that "aw" moment we don't get in real life, and  lets us have ALL THE FEELS when one of them tragically dies. Fine. I'll bite. This is Hollywood afterall.

But for chrissakes...did she have to be such a whiny baby about it? And worse yet, come crying to a MAN to explain her feelings involving men (dead dwarf-men in this case. *sniff* poor Killi)? And, true to form, it takes the man-elf to say "love is soooo worth it" for her to be like "ya ok sure. gotcha. I'm good now." *double sigh* Fuck you Tauriel and your "love".

This was probably the only (and most) disappointing moment in all the Hobbit movies for me. I can forgive non-book embellishments, silly dwarves, 9 hours of movie, and even the cheesy romeo-juliet/dwarf-elf love story, but could you have at least made Tauriel fight well? Oh, and not be a total baby who runs crying to a man when she needs to solve  her problems?

Stay with me here, people...She's an effing elf! They are magical! And if orc-shield-surfin', three-arrows-at-a-time Legolas is any indication of the species, they kick severe amounts vof evil ass.

Unfortunately, #everydaysexism still applies to girl elves in the made-up, fantasy world of Middle Earth. Peter Jackson, how could you have failed me so? I thought our love was true. Why does it hurt so much.

And lastly, in other new. My novel, Insignia, is finished. Did you hear that? Let me say it louder...

***My novel, Insignia, is finished!!!***

And I don't just mean finished in the "got to the end of the words" way. I mean, like I have edited it ad nauseum, spell checked it, consistently spelled all my made-up names and removed comment bubbles.That kind of finished. And ok, you got me, the formatting needs to be proofed by someone who knows what they're doing. AAAAAND it should probably have a 3rd party grammar check.  And xInfinity, It needs cover art. But content-wise it is done. No major revisions unless one of my grammar nazis decides that something is total crap. But holy shit you guys...FINISHED!

I'm putting this "NANOWRIMO Winner" badge up as I used the rampant writing-energy of this month to ride through the remaining edits. And as I probably put in 50k + worth of editing hours, and accomplished my goal, i feel like a winner. 

I am happy to be single

I am so happy to be a single woman. I am not lacking anything in any way. I am not any better or worse off than anyone else. I am happy and in love.

Even though I love people, I also love being by myself. I am not afraid of dying alone. After all, everyone dies alone. I am not worried about not being loved, as up until the moment I die, I will feel love every day. I am not worried about not finding love because I love so many people already, including myself.  I am not worried about having no one to rely on because you all are there. I'm not afraid of taking care of myself because I know best what I need in life. 

I don't need a husband, a wife or children to feel complete. I already am. I don't need anyone to make me a better person. I strive to do that every day, and I am always improving. 

Sure, I don't love loneliness and I'm still not happy when I get hurt. But I don't fear it. I know that I get better and hurts don't last. I will never truly be alone because I have myself. I have friends. I have family.  I have wonderful  people all around me. I don't need that one "special person". You are all special to me.

I couldn't love anyone else, if I didn't love myself. I couldn't make anyone else happy, if I was always sad. If I couldn't take care of my self, how could I take care of anyone else?

I love people but they are limiting. You have to answer to them, explain yourself, make sacrifices.  Right now, I am limitless and because of this, when I do choose to answer, explain and sacrifice for someone, it will be for the right reasons.  And I will not resent them for asking things of me, because I will have already consented to what they are asking.  Because I know myself, and my desires. I know my deal breakers, game changes, favorite foods and flaws.

I am so glad I have had a chance to really get to know myself.  I am so excited what new things I will learn in the years to come. And while sometimes my resolve will flag, in the end I am so grateful for where I am. I'm happy being single, and I may never go back. Or I might, but that choice is my prerogative. 

Disloyal, Inconsistent, Unstable?

This photo was recently posted on my 29-yo cousin's Facebook page. Initially, when I saw it, I automatically had a litany of snarky responses:

- "Yeah, because love, finding the right person(s) and happiness are so overrated."
- "So what does that make me, disloyal, inconsistent and unstable?"
- "Nah, I'm still looking for the one(s) who are disloyal, inconsistent and unstable. That's hot. Everyone love a bad boy/girl."
- "Wait, when did you get older than me?"
- "That thinking is how late 20-somethings end up in unhappy marriages and early 30-somethings in happy divorces."
- "Yeah, everything goes downhill after 30. If you don't catch them now, you never will."
- "It's good to have goals.  I mean, mine are happiness, success and self-love. But whatever floats your boat I guess."
- "Right, because no one over 30 dates anymore. Yuck."
- "Well, I'm too old to be stuck in an unhappy marriage with a man that's loyal and stable.  At MY age happiness, self-sufficiency and love is the goal now."

I'm sure there were more but I think you get my point.

Instead I said "Just don't be loyal, stable and consistent with someone you don't love or who doesn't make you happy....."

However, underneath all those snarky comments, I have to say that her post really bothered me.  It made me sad.  I mean, is this the type of thinking of my age group?  I know as many of my friends near and surpass 30, they are ALL caught up in "adulting". I swear, in the last couple of years this word has SKYROCKETED in popularity.  Like, if I had $1 for every time I heard this word, I'd probably be able to buy a case of craft beer or something. Probably actually stock my fridge or buy a kegerator....

What bothered me the most about this saying were two things:

1). "I'm too old to jump from person to person" - as if dating around is a). something only young, non-adult-type people do and b). not an ideal life-choice.  Both of these assumptions are demeaning to people who choose to live an "alternate" relationship style even if she doesn't consciously say so.  This is what I have started calling a passive put-down.  You are implying that to really grow up, you need to stop doing certain things.

I mean, ok fine, there are some things you can be too old for: "I'm too old to wear 2T clothing."  Or "I'm too old to stay up all night drinking and go to work @ 9AM without feeling like death warmed over." "I'm too old to go skydiving because my bones are brittle now." But these are all related to ACTUAL physical limitations - size, body makeup, constitution etc.  And hey, if you're 70 years old and can still safely skydive - go for it!

But to be too old to have lots of sex, date lots of people, refuse to settle down?  That doesn't actually happen.  I mean, maybe SOME PEOPLE, just choose that they no longer want to do these things but it has NOTHING to do with being a certain age.  It has to do with their place in life and that's fine.  But don't impose misguided generalizations onto your relationship choices!

Also..too old  @ 29? Dayum girl, it's not the middle ages.  You're not even middle aged yet.  People live past 40, y'know.

 2).  "At this age loyalty, stability and consitency are the goal." At what age? 29?  At 29, you probably shouldn't be saying "at this age" to anything TBH.  But ok, let's just pretend for a second here...I'm 31, does that mean that I'm NOT interested in those three qualities? OR does that mean  I'm NOT those 3 qualities because I "jump from person to person".  Again, this is another passive put-down implying that people who do #1 cannot be #2,  Which is totally narrowminded.

And what's worse, she probably didn't think this hard about this when she posted.  That means that she didn't even stop to consider that other people (on her friends list) might have a different life path than her.  And if she didn't consider tthis about her FB friends, does she consider this about other poeple in teh world? Or does she just assume that every late-20-something girl has the same relationship checklist:

• Get a boyfriend.
• Big trip together
• Move in with boyfriend
• Move somewhere with boyfriend
• Buy a house
• Get engaged
• Get Married
• Kids
• Kids
• Kids

So, bottom line, I'm not really mad at my cousin - it's not like she's actively being a bitch or being judgy. At least not in this exact instance.  She is just a product of her society where an "alternative" lifestyle is not her choice, therefore it's easier to not think about it.  And unfortunately, it's this passive sharing of narrow-minded ideals that has caused feminism and gay marriage etc. to take forever to catch on and REALLY be established.  AND, because MANY people share this unconscious, judgmental value system, those who support feminism and to an extent gay marriage (in some circles to varying degrees) are considered dramatic "feminazis" and the like.

I haven't quite decided how to approach my cousin (if I should) about this comment because I don't want to be the marriage non-believer pushing my beliefs on someone.  However...I would like to push my beliefs onto her to an extent that she just understands (and maybe even recognizes?) that others out there are not like her but they deserve respect and consideration none the less.

Now...where's my kegerator?