I also faced a philosophical discussion that could have delved deep into my feelings of the SCA in general. The discussion never got that far, which I'm sort of glad about because there are cans of worms that you don't want to open and soapboxes that I, personally, don't feel like jumping on to right now. However, a lot of those potential paths of discussion have been playing over in my head and I have come to one, striking realization.
I was really looking forward to Mikey's tourney because the format was sword and buckler, which is my favorite form to fight. Due to the rain, the tourney was being rushed through and those not insane enough to put metal on their heads and wave around their lightning rods, didn't really want to hang around. I don't blame them...it was wet!
However, at one point, there stood a choice for me - I could either continue my discussion or I could fight my bout in the tourney. I had seconds to make this choice, and I chose to fight. This choice may have been a detriment to me and probably made me appear rude. And, while I do feel sorry for cutting the conversation short, I also do not regret my choice.
My opponent in the tourney, I had never met before and he was wearing loaner armor which led me to conclude that he was either new or a transplant. The person I was talking to was important, had titles and influence. I chose the underdog - the newbie - the person whom I didn't know. Because this person and those like him, are the future of our community. They are the ones who will carry innovation and enthusiasm with them into the game, and that is what I want to encourage. (To cement in my mind that my decision was right, after the fight, the new fencer came up to me and was like, "That was my first tourney. Thank you!" which made me smile).
Sure, it would be nice to win tourneys. And I definitely would not be unhappy to do so, but there has to be something else that I'm riding on. Of all the tourneys, only one person can win - out of everyone - so even if I'm really, really good, my chance of winning is slim because there are many fencers that are really, really good.
So...
1. I want to be the fencer who is a joy to fight. I want to share my love of the game with others - and I want other people to actually understand how much the game means to me. The SCA cannot live without a community behind it - without new people with ambition to pick up the torches where the seasoned veterans leave them laying. There is always something new and unexpected to experience in this game, whether it is your first year or your fiftieth, because there will always be new people. And that is the joy. So, I want to make sure that those new people are encouraged to come back. I don't want new people to show up once or twice and think, "oh that girl in the purple looks like she knows her shit, but didn't give me the time of day so they are clearly a bunch of assholes."
2. I want to get better, improve my skill, yes, but also a a person. I want to build the type of relationships that encourage me to grow on many levels. The better I feel socially, the more confident I am, the better my fencing gets. Community and the game go together. That feeling of being a part of something, something bigger. So, even if I don't win everything, or become the best fencer in the Known World, I can still feel satisfied that I am learning and growing every time I come around. And I want other people to feel that way to. I want them to feel 10 feet tall and bulletproof.
3. My History. I have spent a lot of time in this game and have had a lot of experiences. Not all of them have been good, some were fairly negative. However, I have powered through those and have been able to find the joy even still. Each negative experience has helped me understand how to see the positives. I can now no longer count my blessings because they are so many. I have been influenced by some very great people, that I love dearly, and even if relationships change and grow apart, the affect they have had on me will remain. If I quit SCA and leave forever, then I am not properly honoring the lessons they've taught me.
4. Fun. Fencing is fun. Stabbing my friends (and even getting stabbed) is fun when you have great interchanges and one of you does a really cool move. I feel like a badass bitch and it's been something I've been doing for so long that it does feel *right*. And, it does feel great when you notice your skill improving. When you actually achieve something that you were trying to do and not all of your hits were just slop. When you see a move and successfully counter and you hear your opponent grumble. THAT is fun.
This game that we play is a game that transcends just one person - me or a knight or even a king. It cannot work on the backs of a few alone, so I want to be one of the people to draw others in. I want to teach those new people to draw other new people in. Because, honestly, the more people I have to play with, the more friends I make, make this game feel more like a giant party with swords and funny clothes. And to that end, if I had to choose between the community as a whole and my own personal advancement, I would choose the community. Since, without members, none of the other stuff would even exist.
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