Thursday, August 20, 2015

We Made Them Remarkable - Anamnesis- #6

Three hundred years ago, human bodies were functional.  Adequate.  They were just as nature designed them. Boring. Then we came in with technology and made them remarkable. – Memoires of A. St. Claire


- 1 –


The mall was a hub of activity at this time of night. The mechanical humming of cold fluorescent lights could make one forget that the sun had long since set and all sensible people were in their homes, their TVs blaring some obnoxious live broadcast. Garishly colored storefronts looked out into the atrium, silently hawking their wares of manufactured diamonds and cheap plastic toys. On one side, a store sold nothing but top-of-the-line sex toys, the cylindrical outlines of countless male members shivering a welcome to all who were brave enough to cross the threshold of their inhibitions. And on the other, a front of a more sinister nature, where tatted rat boys hunched over too-white operating tables offering up the newest in body mod trends.

Here, some juiceheads sat at a table bristling with folds of muscle so large that they barely looked human. And over there, fashion sisters, their frozen smiles and stretch-tight skin the result of too many trips to the laser salon. A schizo trolled the floor in faded hospital gowns, begging for credits or junk or whatever you had on you, deftly weaving between the tables more silently than any mental patient should be able. A pair of security guards rolled slowly back and forth on one-wheeled scooters, their lurid uniforms thinly disguising the mods encompassing their limbs that pulsed with the synthetic rhythm of black motor oil.

In the center of a café sat a woman, of only thirty or so, with the chestnut brown hair and olive skin of a mediteranneo, nursing a cappuccino. She was wrapped in black leather pants the shade of an octogenarian’s favorite easy chair, worn in just the right places, and a dingy white tank top under an equally loved leather vest. She carried no weapons here, as was the rule of all serious establishments. Not that it would matter, she thought, casting her sunglass-mirrored eye over to the juiceheads, many were themselves weapons these days. However, it still felt strange, she thought, to be away for so long from her anlace – a rapier that was part robot and rarely ever left her side, though she carried it more for comfort than safety. She tried to glance coolly around the room, projecting the demeanor of the stoic calm one can only manage just before some erratic act of drama.

The twins had told her that he would be here, on this night, getting into more trouble than he’d ever bargained for. She trusted the twins, they weren’t programmed to lie and even if they’d tried, she had other ways of keeping an honest cyborg honest. They lived in the alleys only a stone's throw from the old stadium and had enough street cred to be in the know for just about every interesting pair of feet that crossed their patch of asphalt. But Mara had more street cred, and she’d pulled some strings and flexed a few muscles – the right muscles – to lead her to this frozen heart of commerce in the Sink.

He was only fourteen and somehow much too young to be pulling off a heist of this magnitude. Mara could only conceive of how he’d planned it, how long it had taken him to devise a strategy that would actually lead him to this very spot on this very night. And she wondered even harder how he would manage to get out of this predicament alive. That’s where she would come in, she assumed, though exactly how, she really had no idea. Clenching her teeth, she forced herself to trust that the right opportunity would present itself.

A commotion arose on the second floor balcony and Mara looked up to see an achromatized pipe banister quiver in response to the sound of slapping feet. Size tens, she would have surmised, if she could’ve seen the scuffed boots with the frayed laces that now raced toward the edge. Her vantage point was such that, across the cafeteria, she had an almost perfect view of the long hallway with its custard-yellow walls scratched and faded from years of apathy. An adolescent with shaggy hair the color of sandpaper, was barreling toward the banister, heedless of bodily harm, eyes wild and breath pounding in and out like a bass drum. Following behind, almost unhurriedly, was a rotund, balding man in an obnoxious band T-Shirt from a decades-forgotten rock group. He wore an expression of boredom as if to indicate that this tourist had already seen the attraction and had found it lacking. 

Mara stood up and downed the last of her lukewarm cappuccino in one frenzied swig, gagging as the undissolved sugar crunched between her molars. She froze. The kid had made it to the banister and reached out to it with one desperate hand, vaulting over as if he were at a track and field event. He seemed to hang in midair, his left leg tucked under him, his right thrust out, grabbing at an ethereal purchase that only he could see. The tourist held out his hand where Mara could see a shiny metallic square on the inside of his wrist. He now flipped that wrist toward the sandy haired acrobat and one rectangle broke off and flew with unnerving speed.

The boy’s face changed from an impetuous grimace of rebellion to a frantic O of surprise as his right leg just below the knee plummeted to the floor. The rest of him followed in a pallid heap of shock and fear. The silver rectangle recoiled into itself and a very faint iridescent thread shimmered in the artificial light. Razorwire. Mara whipped her cappuccino cup at the assassin with more force than her slight frame advertised, so that it not only crossed the linoleum desert of the food court, but shot straight up into the face of the tourist, shattering into a hundred unforgiving shards of cheap pottery. 

She rushed over to Samson, for she knew now that it could be no one else, who was curled up on the floor in a convulsing heap, blood pooling around him. Ripping off a piece of her shirt she tied a tourniquet around Samson’s leg, the crimson spreading over it so quickly you’d think it conscious of its own intentions. Then she flung the now-unconscious adolescent over her shoulder, grabbed his escaped body part and began to slip out of the modish jungle as juiceheads, fashion sisters, rats, schizos and even security guards looked on with only mild curiosity as if something like a young vagabond being pursued by a highly trained, but innocuous-looking, assassin happened every day.
Down here in the Sink, the largest of the scrap cities, maimings, robberies and killings were just daily news. You didn’t get into anyone else’s business and they didn’t get into yours. However, if you happened to be determined enough to start a scuffle, then you’d best be prepared to defend yourself or the sociopathic citizenry could not guarantee what would happen to you.


Thursday, August 13, 2015

Zombies in the Streets - Anamnesis- #7



* * * * *



Drug use had become widespread in the country, where wayward youth and bored elite alike used pills, liquids, powders and syringes to escape the filthy, stinking, desolate, corporate reality of their mundane lives and shamble through the streets as zombies. To capitalize on this booming market, the CORPs went so far as to manufacture and distribute their own, distilled forms of popular street drugs; for an exorbitant price, of course. –  from the Memoirs of A. St. Claire.



* * * * *


The Sink was a slum city by definition, with trash-filled gutters and rat infested sewers, but the district she was going to was known as the seediest of the seedy, the not-so-secretly named drug-district. It was the favorite haunt of black market dealers of designer, mind-altering substances and where the most whacked-out junkies and hapless addicts came when they ran out of money, but not of life.

This was where she would fence the Trax, a powerful, medical-grade, sedative that was difficult to bootleg and very expensive to buy pure.  Street versions, known as Scum, were often laced with very foul additives such as battery acid, cyanide, ground fiberglass, mercury, frog blood (why? Mara had no idea) and carbon monoxide.  Scum was growing in popularity due to the increasing rarity of medical-grade Trax.  

The dirt bike whizzed down the narrow streets, skyscrapers looming above like over-protective parents, as Mara wound farther and farther into the web of the city. There were few people on the road at this hour:  a lone pimp in a luxury longcar returning to his whorehouse, a scuffed-up sedan with peeling paint idling at the corner, and one brave cyclist on an electric bicycle with his headlamp barely piercing the gloom of a city on the edge of daylight. The skyscrapers began dwindling until the tallest was only fifteen stories high. The streets became ever more clogged with debris: empty aluminum bottles, metal scraps, rotting food, discarded needles. When the trash finally overwhelmed the road, Mara had to ditch the bike in a side alley and continue on foot, picking her way around a dead rodent and skirting a pack of dogs fighting over a sheet of cardboard.

She not only carried her steroidal anlace, but an old-fashioned handgun the likes of which were rarely seen in today's world. She liked it because she could make the bullets herself out of almost any scrap metal and they would be untraceable. However, she carried it mostly for vanity, preferring hand-to-hand combat. Well that, and she liked the effect a pointed gun had on an adversary’s face.


She was nearing the heart of the district now, the alleys overtaken by shanties made from corrugated metal and rotting wood with cardboard rooves. It was in one of these shanties that her contact resided. It barely stood out from the rest, but the thin plume of smoke particles dancing in the shaft of light from the cracked door indicated that she was in right place.


Sunday, August 9, 2015

She Didn't Belong Anywhere

"She didn't belong anywhere and she never really belonged to anyone. And everyone else belonged somewhere and to someone. People thought she was too wonderful. But she only wanted to belong to someone. People always thought she was too wonderful to belong to them or that something too wonderful would hurt too much to lose. And that's why she liked him-- because he just thought she was crazy.”

This is a quote by author C. Joybell C. who, as Amazon defines her, "is best known for her love of cake, especially that of the red velvet nature. She is the author of poetry and literature books delving mainly into philosophy of mind, esotericism, and all other things wise and wonderful."

I have thought about this quote extensively for two years now, wondering what exactly it meant and why it struck me so profoundly.  What is it, really, to belong?  And, is belonging really a necessity of a fulfilled life? Or is the acceptance of NOT belonging, really the key?

For me, I "belonged" to a large interest-based social group for 15 years give or take a few. But then, being part of that group started making me feel bad about myself. Or maybe, it had been having that effect for a long time but I continued to delve deeper and deeper into my involvement thinking  that if I just worked hard enough, I would really become a part of it. However, I was not receiving the validation and recognition that I needed to feel included. 

And it was not exactly the people individually, but it was the institution. So I thought that if I left the institution, I would begin to feel better about myself.  And on the one hand, not caring about the institution anymore was initially a great weight.  Unfortunately, I still really like a lot of the people in that group and miss them.

But, do those people really like me?  Barely any of them have reached out through text, facebook, any other social media, phone call etc. to get together. Few of them have even messaged to ask how I’ve been or say they miss seeing me around.   Occasionally I see them comment on my Facebook posts but they’re not very meaningful. So were all these people just friends out of convenience?

Anyway, my questions is: Did I ever really belong to this group?  I feel very adrift right now and I have been trying to tell myself that I don’t need to belong anywhere to be happy.  However, I am a gemini, a twin, a pack animal and I do need to belong.   I am not happy being all alone, even if that leads to the ultimate freedom. But how to I find some place or some people to belong to? 

It seems like the majority of the people are just looking for friendships because they want something from the other person.  Sex. Play. Companionship. Marriage. Kids. Money….So, how often, really, do people meet someone and go: “that person…I want to hang out with them because they are just so fascinating.”  I have met some VERY cool people that I like just hanging and talking with.  But it is *near impossible* to get them to hang out.  And, no way in hell can I just call them up to “chat”. Everyone is SO wrapped up in their own stuff.   

I sometimes feel like a crazy person here. I mean, I am hella busy.  Most nights after work I just want to go to the gym and then go home and watch Arrow.  But if one of these super-cool people I met wanted to hang out, or come over to watch it too, or go dancing or do anything, then I would 90% choose that person to being alone.  And not because I don’t love me some quality time with Oliver Queen…just saying.

So maybe that’s what the above quote is referring to.  “She liked him because he just thought she was crazy.”  He saw her for who she was and wanted nothing from her other than knowing her. I know…that’s probably a stretch of an interpretation, but my point is still there. How often have you told you’re friends: “Wow, my life is better for knowing you.”  My guess would be fewer times than you should be.


Friday, July 31, 2015

The Final Countdown

This is really exciting...I have entered the final stage of editing for Insignia: final edits! I proofed the hard copy and now I am putting those edits into the document and fleshing out where needed.  The step after this is to go through once for continuity and then.....

It. Will. Be. Ready.

Holy shit...is this really happening?

Maybe so. :-D

Monday, July 20, 2015

I Am A Writer

Over the past seventeen years or so I have gone back and forth in my aspiration to become a writer.  I have asserted that carn-flabbit, I AM a writer.  And then I've been all, "Nah, nevermind. I'm not a writer. I'm not willing to put that much effort into being successful at it."

However, I have learned over these seventeen years, one thing I cannot do.  I cannot stop writing. I have literally tried to force myself to stop writing. Stop reading. Stop imagining. Stop dreaming.

I'm not published.  I haven't even tried.  The whole process scares the bejeezus out of me. Spend years trying to get picked up  by an agent while my stories stagnate and die? Self publish and ruin any chance I have as a published author? Put my work out there and hear crickets in response? No thank you!   I find that I get so driven, I work so hard, get hopeful, and read all the downer talk about how *hard* it is to make it big as a writer. How big-name publishers suck. How self-publishing is career suicide.  What the crap do I do, then?  It looks like this world is in a no-win feedback loop.

So then I abandon my product, move forward with my "real" life and never look back except in my head. I get depressed that I will always be unknown as a writer.  That no one will take me seriously until I got published. But to be published, I need to be taken seriously.....Only to revisit all my work 6 months to years later.  This has got to stop.  I have to at least try.

Self publish? Submit to agent? I don't know yet, but I know that at this point I just have to do something.  I just want people to read my stuff...even if I give it away for free....as long as people are reading it, I don't care.

Because I AM a writer (dang-nabbit).


Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Zombie Dream 2 - The Escape

This dream started with a jumble of images and colors.  When it finally gaines coherence,  I am standing in house in a cave with some people - I think my Mom was one of them.  The cave was raised about 3 steps above the cavern floor.  It looked kind of like the cave in The Secret World of Arrietty. 


It looked kinda like this house, but the light was a flue and if you had your back to the stove, you'd be looking out into a great big cave.

We had just heard that the zombies were going to come after us now so we were preparing for them.  When the fist zombie starts coming across the cavern floor, I rush out to meet him.  He is like a cyborg zombie with some weird eye binocular (monocular, really) and scissors for hands.  I am grappling with this zombie and grabbing onto his scissor blades, hoping they won't cut me.  Then I remember that I had a katana so I raise that and try to cut off his head.  Unfortunately, i miss his neck and my sword gets stuck in his skull. I had to struggle to free it before the zombie got to me.  Eventually I did, phew!


Then the zombies start coming in droves and we have this narrow ledge to fight on.  I am doing quite well, actually, as I run back and forth beheading zombies with my very sharp Katana.  At one point I'm thinking, "Yeah, we got this. I could do this all day, I'm not even tired."  


Suddenly, water starts trickling over the rocks from the far side of the cave and I hear someone say, "Oh no!  They are going to flood us out!"  An escape plan was quickly gone over as the water rose with unnerving speed.  We had these two upward tunnels that we could climb up if the water got too high.  So, I keep on slashing away until I start seeing partially chopped up zombie parts floating around in the water.  It's almost up to the highest step of the house.  


The wave of zombies has stopped now, except for a few stragglers.  The last of the other people in the cave are crawling up the chute and are calling to me.  I do a once-around of the house trying to decide on what to grab.  I decide on nothing and instead feel that it is my duty to kill the straggler zombies to give the people time to escape.  One of the zombies is a unicorn and another is a giant Komodo dragon....go figure.  I behead the dragon and start crawling up the tunnel.  My last thought is that the grandma (who resembled Math's mom) couldn't make it up and so she told everyone to go without her. 


Komodo dragon picture
I totally beheaded this guy  and saw his neck's cross section.  (But I'm not proud about it.  Zombie's were alive once too!)
Ahead of me is this guy and his son.  When we get to the top, it is into his home and his wife and brother are pulling us up.  They pull up the kid, then the dude but before they pull me up the kid asks, "Where's grandma?"  And I say, "She couldn't make it," as I'm holding on for dear life trying not to fall down the straight drop back to zombies and a flooded cave.

The kid starts crying but I brush it off as I struggle to get out of the tunnel.  It seems that the wife and husband are not really trying to do anything to comfort the kid.  But I don't really pay it much mind and wake up shortly after. 

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Zombie Dream 1 - The Stakeout



In this dream I'm living at my parents house, and I think Luna was there.  However, this house is in a land crawling with zombies.  In the first part of the dream, Luna and I were on the deck and I can't seem to get over the fear that she's going to jump off the deck and into zombie country.

Then it's night time and I am wandering around the downstairs area of the house.  I get into the room that is now the office, but what was the "rec room" when I was growing up.  It used to have some bookshelves/file cabinets, a wood stove and a dumpy fold-out couch.  That is how it looked in my dream, except for the fact that the whole north wall was gone and in its place was a canvas sheet.  I remember thinking, "Wow, that doesn't seem very secure against the zombies."

I start watching some other people, possibly young college or high school students.  They have a bunch of candles lit and are talking about apocalypse theory.  They ask me if I've read Delillo (Dondelillo maybe?) and his fortification strategies for a post-apocalyptic world. One strategy is to pit one predator against another.  So apparently my house had big cats roaming the perimeter and apparently they weren't affected by the zombie disease.  Another thing one guy was proposing was to dig a moat around the house and fill it with piranhas.

(At one point I saw a cheetah in the kitchen and was afraid of it, but then realize that it was there to kill the zombies so it was friendly to humans and I pet it).


Look at this handsome guy!


Then these guys decide to start messing with this one guy who looked kinda like the fat kid from Lost.  The sheet was pulled back and in the field beyond appeared a figure. He was holding up a hankie and communicating a message of help trying to entreat us (or more like them b/c I was pretty much an observer here) to take him in.  He was talking about all of his skills.

The guy being messed with was going to go out into the dark to help this other guy.  "Don't go out there!" I yell at the dude, but it's too late.  He's already in the field and has discovered that the "guy" was actually just a computer screen and he's turning around to come back inside.  Then I see bright eyes appear behind him (zombies) and I scream, "Watch out!" But the guy doesn't hear me.  Luckily,  these two werewolves jump out of the darkness and start fighting with the zombies so the guy gets back inside.

The Google Maps view of my parents' old house. The semi with the sheet metal would probably've been parked in the red rocks area. 

Then it's daytime and I have decided that since no one else seemed concerned about fixing the gaping hole in our fortifications, I had to do it.  So I walk into this semi that somehow backs right into the house (so we don't have to go out into zombie country to get supplies) and grab some sheet metal.

At this point, The Office woke me up, so I have no idea how the house fared with fortifications after I left.